Dick Pics, Part 2

Y'all are nuts over the dicks

Last week, Kristine lamented the fact that she’s never been on the receiving end of a dick pic. I, however, get dick pics sent to me every freaking day.

Here. This just in from this morning:

Stop trying to click on these, you pervs! It’s just a screenshot from my phone.

So my friend Jill went all the way up to Whistler, BC for a family vacation and all I got were a bunch of dick pics! I mean, I love it when friends practice the art of noticing, but this is ri-dick-u-lous.

Leave it to Jill to just send me some random images and let me try to figure out where the naughty bits are.

What even are these things, truck nuts for your bike? And what’s the circle thing—a back-up camera, a security camera, or both?

“So, Judge Judy, you’ll see from the footage that he was jerking off to my bike before I rammed him in the nuts.”

I’m embarrassed to say that once I asked myself these nonsensical questions, I had to find out the answer, which sent me into an online tailspin where I learned about the CIA’s scrotum concealment prototype on display at The Spy Museum, a high-tech sleepsac for babies (huh?) the history of Truck Nutz (and why they’re illegal now in Idaho, uh-oh) before I finally found the product online: yep, light-up Bike Balls. With a multi-flashing LED module. You’re welcome.

Here’s another example of the kind of dick pics that get forwarded to me all the time. This one is from Laura, who told me recently she’s “always on the lookout” for good dick pics since we started The Dick Sisters, because she knows I love receiving them (says everyone who has ever sent one).

Anyway. Did anyone get permission from the whale before sharing these? Is Sir David Attenborough okay with his fan club page turning into the wildlife version of OnlyFans? Had the whale already exhausted all efforts to get the tour boat to back the fuck away before whipping out his lipstick? You see where my mind goes when presented with such images.

It’s not only my female friends who forward stuff they find titillating. Here’s one from Rob, who I mostly know from book club, but it seems that Rob is doing more than just reading books in his free time.

No, seriously. What are these?

Now, Rob may be the kind of person who can casually send me dick pics with no links or attribution, but I can’t let this go without spending more valuable time pouring through more pervy pics just to find out. It’s exhausting. Here I am, trying to stay on track with my own work, and y’all keep interrupting my flow with naughty photos. Did I need to know about the Penis Envy shrooms that provide “intense visual hallucinations and a deep sense of introspection?” No, I did not!

I’m sure this is all part of the divine conspiracy. The more time I spend down the penis mushroom rabbit hole or feasting my eyes on penises showing up mildly in public, the less I’m trapped in the attention economy shopping online for truck nutz, so I guess that’s okay.

Last one from a friend I met on the Buy Nothing group (because obviously I have a shopping problem) and it’s time to get back to work.

‘Some Were Quite Blind’ by artist Carol K. Brown was erected in 1988

Great, so now I’ve come full-circle and am back looking at phallic sculptures, thinking the dick pics Rob sent are probably just yard art (also, where can I buy?)

Please, please, please send Kristine some pics so she can stop already with her peeny pity party and become as dickstracted as the rest of us. Her email is penispenispenis@aol.com

Kidding. It’s thedicksisters@gmail.com and you can harass us there anytime.

Lots of love and peens on your screens,

Allison & Kristine